avenathus

A few weeks ago I had a job interview for what I thought was my dream job. I would have been serving as a sexuality educator for adolescents in inner-city Hartford. I would have had to facilitate workshops, group activities, and education on all things sex for these young people. It would have been perfect. But I interviewed, and I didn’t get the job.

It’s not the first time I have applied for my “dream job” and been turned down. One issue is my lack of experience. Sadly I’ve never worked with inner-city kids and I haven’t done sex ed full-time. I suppose the other issue is my personality type. Maybe I don’t come across as enthusiastic enough, or like I could handle certain elements of such a job. In any case, I’ve been turned away from such amazing opportunities numerous times, despite the fact that I was, and still am, extremely passionate about sex ed, educating young people about sex, and sex-positivity.

But even before interviewing for this job I was having second thoughts about my career choices, as I mentioned in a previous post. What I am doing now–social media work, with a little graphic and web design thrown in–is fun and fulfilling; I’ve always liked doing this kind of thing, and I guess I’m not so bad at it! But for a long time I was focused more on the issues–issues like the lack of sex ed in this country, teen pregnancy rates, teen dating violence–and believed I could make a career out of simply being passionate about something. But would I be good at it? I’m not an extrovert by any means. I do struggle at times when it comes to social situations. Years of social anxiety left me pretty sensitive to other people, and I do have a bit of that anxiety that lingers, though I’ve done many things to overcome it as best I can. But perhaps I’m not well-suited for a career in human services, working directly with people all the time. I’m not going to lie; it can wear me down.

However, there is some light in the midst of all this negativity and self-doubt! Sometimes we have to stand back and look at what we’re good at and what we like to do. Like I said… I am pretty good with social media, web design, and graphic design, and I enjoy doing those things.

I’ve been itching to apply to grad school, but I was hesitating because I still felt unsure and confused about what was right for me. But on a whim I began researching some Communications graduate programs in the state and in the region, and I quickly became excited about many of them. A lot of them would offer me the chance to expand on my current skills and give me a better chance at scoring a high-level marketing and communications position. Heck, maybe I could even start my own consulting business, taking in clients and being a one-stop deal for all of their social media, web design, and graphic design needs.

I feel good about this direction I’m looking in now. I have started all of the application materials for one school, and looking at a couple of others just in case. I think this will be great and I feel really enthusiastic!

But here comes the fun part: redesigning this website. It needs to go in a new, more professional direction. It needs a new persona, a new life. So a redesign is in the works. My plan is to archive this blog and start over.

So pretty soon you might see some updates coming around here! I hope to have the site redesigned by the end of the month. So I suppose I’ll see you then!

I promise I’m not going to become a food porn blogger but I wanted to share my delicious dinner tonight. I’m not a very creative cook by any means–I usually do some kind of chicken-vegetables-rice-stir-fry concoction and just spice it up a lot to give it flavor. But today I decided to try making zucchini pasta! Also known as, zucchini as pasta.

Okay, so I’m not so good at plating or presentation or whatever you call it. Plus it was on my phone camera which I am not very skilled with. But trust me, it tasted awesome! Mixed in that heaping bowl, along with the tender tasty zucchini “noodles,” there’s some fresh green pepper, vidalia onion, and chicken sausage. I topped it all with some delicious marinara sauce my mom gave me to freeze (she makes some good sauce! Actually everything she makes is good). Oh, and a little parmesan cheese. Not freshly grated or anything though, meh. Not feeling THAT sassy today!

Yup. That’s me being creative right there. Usually my cooking process is more like, “Meh, I have to eat something to sustain myself and get my protein in for the day, so I’ll just mix some random stuff together.” Well anyway, it was super delicious. Every once in awhile I do impress myself with my own cooking. :)

Our Maine vacation was a pretty relaxing affair! We reunited with some family we hadn’t seen in five or more years, and we spent a lot of time lounging in the sun or driving around parts of rural Maine. My dad gave us a bit of a tour of the places where he grew up, farms he worked on as a teen, his favorite hang-out spots, snowmobiling trails, and more.

And of course I tried to take as many pictures as possible. Here’s a few:

A view of the campground.

Our site with my grandparents’ camper.

Sausage!! I just found these sausages to be so photogenic.

Typical family reunion type photo.

Tonight at 11:30 my family and I are all shipping off to Maine for vacation! We’ll be visiting family, camping, hanging out, eating a lot, and just generally having an awesome time. I’ll have pictures when I get back :) See you on Wednesday!

About a week ago I walked into the gym for my usual hour-long spree of lifting things up and putting them down, and I spotted one of the regulars, who greeted me as he tends to do by saying, “There she is! The hard worker!” He followed it with, “So why are you undergoing such punishment today?” (another one of his friendly quips). That day I answered that I’m going to have a pretty lazy weekend so I wanted to stay on top of things. Nodding, he asked, “Are you training for something?”

The answer is pretty much no. I’m not a bodybuilder, not a fitness model, I don’t compete or race or play sports or do anything that would really validate my love for going to the gym. I told him no, I just got addicted. And it’s true!

I’ve been trying to focus more and more of my energy on getting stronger, rather than worrying about pounds and body fat percentages. I think it’s been really helping me. I still have a fun time going to the gym, working on my form, trying to lift heavier weights each time, run faster each time, and just feel more badass. I now fully subscribe to the idea that women must lift weights. It’s cool because I have pretty muscular arms now–it’s always been easy for my arms to look strong–and my abs are improving by leaps and bounds. My hands are getting nice and callused from deadlifting and what used to be a sprint that would leave me gasping on the treadmill has become a 15-minute jog.

Relative to others I know my progress is not that impressive. I still haven’t been able to deadlift my own body weight, I can’t run a 7-minute mile, and I have crappy eating days entire weekends that probably make my “progress” a lot slower. But when I think about these things, worrying and stressing about how I screwed up or how I still can’t do X, Y, and Z, I inevitably start to wonder–what am I training for? The answer is pretty much nothing! I’m training for my own sense of fun and accomplishment, because it’s healthy, because I like to feel strong, because I am stronger and will become stronger, slowly but surely. So I’ll go at my own pace, and I’ll mess up once in awhile, and things will be okay as long as I keep going and keep kicking my own ass every time!

I’m still in shock but I have to report: Andrew asked me to marry him yesterday!!

I definitely didn’t see it coming, and it was a total surprise (just what I’d always hoped for!) but it was all-around adorable. He took me out to lunch to Illiano’s, the restaurant in our hometown that we went to on the night when we became “official.” Things seemed pretty normal… although when we walked in the staff were extra nice to us, and Andrew ordered just a salad even though Illiano’s has great Sicilian pizza and fetuccini alfredo, two of his favorite dishes :P We reminisced about the good old times coming to that restaurant and how we even sat at the same table that first night.

Right before our food came one of the staff from the front of the restaurant asked Andrew to come to the front, saying that he had forgotten to pay for something last week. Andrew went up with him and I sat there wondering what the heck that was all about. It did seem pretty suspicious but I tried not to entertain any wild fantasies :P Andrew came back and said something about coming to the restaurant last week with his dad and forgetting to sign a receipt. I decided not to dig any deeper into that weird explanation and kept devouring my food (…I was REALLY hungry haha).

Eventually we were nearing the end of the meal when Andrew decided that he simply hated the carnation sitting in the middle of our table, stating, “I don’t like this flower! These are better.” And with that, the same staff came over from behind me and handed me a dozen red roses. Then, while I admired them, Andrew suddenly got down on his knee and popped that question! And, well, of course I said yes :)

For the record… the ring is perfect.

And, well, so is Andrew. Andrew and I have been through a lot in our four and a half years together. We’ve had lots of ups and downs, but through it all I’ve known that I want to be with him because of the great person that he is. He’s a wonderful person, the best person I know. He’s a giving and loving person. He’s balanced and calm, something I need in my life. He’s caring and really works on his relationships with others, always working to show others that he cares about them, which is something I’ve also struggled with. We’re definitely opposites in many ways, and I love that about us, and I love having someone like him in my life. I couldn’t ask for anyone better!!!! I’m truly a lucky woman thanks to this amazing man, and I hope I can make him as happy as he has made me.